Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
