my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
