hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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