He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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