You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
