I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
not ubering you a puppy
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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