Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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