He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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