I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
