dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
