It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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