Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
