Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
