Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
