also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize