He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
