whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
