I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
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Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
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It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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