I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
