Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
