Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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