dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
