I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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