I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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