At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
