Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
