I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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