it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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