Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
