i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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