So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
