Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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