i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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