oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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