i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
