i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
