BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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