Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Are my feet made of real feet?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
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