he wants to bone in the snuggie
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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