first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
