if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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