i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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