I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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