just survived the first fart of the relationship.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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