Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
