I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
