I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
