i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
