And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
