how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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