There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
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Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
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I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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