Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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