I got chris browned last night
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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