How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
either way he was missing a nipple.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize