My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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