I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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