everyone is single if you try hard enough
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
