I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
