I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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