I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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