You work out of a Hotel?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
