it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i was born a porn star she said
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
