she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
