when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
