If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
