I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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