Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
