Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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