They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
