she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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