Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
