Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
