i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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