i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
