From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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