So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
