Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
