Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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