you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
