So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
