If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
